Each year as we enjoy the tail end of the British summer, the media throw up their arms in horror at the emergence of the first Christmas cards for sale on the High Street. However, the reality for many of us is that the build up to Christmas and the stress that comes with it starts much earlier.
I know of families for whom the negotiations as to where Christmas will be held and who is expected to attend begin as early as May. Pressure is heaped upon grown up children who perhaps fancy a Christmas on the slopes with their friends to stay and be with their extended families. Some will even resort to emotional blackmail in order to achieve the perfect Waltons style Christmas, indeed one grandmother that I know of has been insisting that this will be her ‘last Christmas’ for more than 20 years.
If such political negotiations were not stressful enough with the inevitable outcome that you are going to offend somebody, add into the mix the shopping for presents and food, the torrent of Christmas parties for which we have to look fabulous, the wrapping, the cooking, the hosting, the surprise guests who just ‘pop in’ and it is a wonder that any of us have the energy to face the day itself let alone to enjoy it.
The stress of the season is exacerbated by the fact that we tend to eat and drink more (of the wrong things) and exercise less as we approach the holidays. Late night shopping trips after work andseasonal socialising leave us tired and exhausted and the never ending images of smiling, perfect families against backdrops of glamorous, sparkling Christmas scenes in glossy magazines set expectations unrealistically high.
In fact, psychologists believe that most of us suffer from stress at Christmas although we may not be aware of it. Christmas is a time of extra responsibility, and a radical shift in daily patterns that can contribute to increasing levels of stress, which are often passed off as tiredness, being under the weather or just a hangover.
Anna Pearson, relationship therapist and an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy sees her workload increase significantly around Christmas and says, “for many couples, this time is one of dread as they each try to satisfy the different rituals of their separate families with the result that a great number actually find themselves spending Christmas apart.”
In addition, Anna believes that, as with any anniversary, Christmas marks the passing of another year and for those who have experienced loss of any kind it can be a very melancholy time. She says, “we all have strong emotional ties to Christmas from childhood and it can take people by surprise that their mood is lower than they expected.As a result, people tend to inaccurately attribute their sadness to external factors, resulting in frustration with those around them, rather than recognising that there is an internal cause.”
Anna suggests that preparation is key to minimising the stress of the festive season and believes that it is important to be clear on what you want to achieve and put in place a plan for actually making it happen. She suggests that couples and new families who want to exchange the festive rituals of their childhood for new ones created together communicate clearly with each other and their extended families. “It is natural for our children to strive for independence as they grow up and as parents we encourage this,” she says, “but the sensitivity of Christmas can make it more difficult to accept. Allowing our children to make their own choices without guilt is a wonderful gift in itself and the new traditions and rituals that result can be as delightful as the old.”
Anna also believes that it is important to be kind to yourself over Christmas and if there is a loss which you are holding inside, you should find some time to yourself to be with your memories. “Awareness of a potentially emotional time following a loss is crucial,” she says, “by allowing yourself a moment of quiet to remember, you are free to enjoy the rest of the festivities.”
The truth is that good planning and organisation will minimise a lot of the pressure of the season. Trust me, behind every smiling and relaxed host who assures you that they have just thrown everything together at the last minute will be a military style campaign of preparation. But don’t give up if organisation is not your strength as by following just a few simple steps we can all ease the stress of planning the perfect Christmas.
Write lists. For everything. And don’t lose them. Lists written with a clear head on a relaxed Sunday in November will be invaluable as you rush around the shops with the panic rising in late December.
Set a budget and stick to it. Be clear on whom you are giving presents to and keep the list as small as possible. Particularly in these economic times, it is pointless and expensive to exchange gifts with friends and colleagues for the sake of it so agree to exchange good wishes rather than gifts.
Plan ahead wherever possible. Almost all of your shopping can be done in advance on the internet thereby avoiding the crowds and you can even arrange for your supermarket shopping to be dropped off for you on Christmas Eve if you book your slot early enough.
Write out recipes and delegate as many of the tasks as you can to the people you will be spending Christmas with. There are no extra prizes for completing every task by yourself and you are more likely to end up feeling resentful if you spend all day in the kitchen on your own whilst your guests and family relax.
Be realistic in your expectations. The family will fight, the gifts will disappoint, the dog will knock down the tree, and the turkey will be dry. It’s inevitable that something will go wrong and being able (or at least trying) to see the funny side will massively reduce the stress as well as creating some amusing Christmas stories for future years.
Be kind. To yourself and to others. Finding 20 minutes to go for a run on a crisp December morning or half an hour in the bath surrounded by candles can rebalance your mind and make the tasks still to be completed seem more manageable. Equally, spending an hour with the lonely pensioner at the end of your streetat Christmas will put things into perspective and bring some joy into someone else’s Christmas at the same time.
Above all, remind yourself that this is a time to enjoy. However you choose to celebrate your Christmas, whether by staggering from one party to the next or quietly curling up next to a roaring fire, remember, “Tis the season to be merry”, not stressed.
Executive and Life Coach, Rachael Wood, www.ogilviedavies.com can be contacted at Rachael@ogilviedavies.com
Anna Pearson can be contacted via the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy website, www.bacp.co.uk
Tags: Christmas, Christmas Advice, Christmas Spirit, Christmas Stress, Rachael Wood
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